Fiscal Cliff Script

Monday, December 3rd, 2012

Boehner: “We’re willing to discuss increasing revenue”

Obama: “I want four times as much in tax hikes than I asked for during the last debt limit increase talks, and I don’t like speaking to you as if you’re an equal, so you need to stop pretending that I actually have a debt limit with these stupid fucking negotiations. From now on, I have a blank check”

Boehner: “You can’t be serious…”

Media: “Earlier this week Republicans steadfastly refused to provide evidence they do not in fact support Santa Claus being repeatedly sodomized with the bayonets that President Obama pointed out were obsolete during the campaign…. Children of lower income families impacted at far higher rates than middle class or wealthy gift recipients…”

Boehner: “We have to discuss entitlement reform. Raising taxes on the wealthy won’t keep the government running for more than two weeks”

Obama: “We will. After you give me everything I just asked for. And after my vacation. If I can fit you in between golf rounds. Maybe. Oh yeah, and you have to suck my cock.”

Boehner: “I have… what?!?!

Media: “Why do republicans want to see your daughter’s vagina filled with concrete? They’re not answering!!”

Boehner: “glorpglorpgluckglorp Is this ok? slurpglorrpsmackglorp… too much gag reflex? Slorrrkglurpglurp”

Obama: “No talking!!! DAMNNIT I hate it when you speak like you’re human or something…Fuck, I was almost there…just..UGH!. this isn’t working….”

Media: “Plunging off the fiscal cliff seems inevitable today as Republican leaders failed to make any sort of effort to find middle ground with the President….”

Yeah, fuck it.

At this point I’m up for letting the whole thing burn and let the asshole own it.

4 Responses to “Fiscal Cliff Script”

  1. Tis one big circle jerk in DC, with John Q Public as the pivitman (that better than 50% of the supposed voters actually relish that position, just adds insult to injury). On a somewhat more positive note, if the chance is not there between now and then, have a very Merry Christmas!

  2. We’re screwed. Half of this country doesn’t understand basic economics, supply/demand principles or the fact that we are quickly on the road to Babylon. Not sure how we can come out of it unless something really breaks. Some major event, larger than the recent financial meltdown, has to happen to get people to wake up and take up what our founding fathers did by coming here to make it on their own. They left what we have become!

  3. Half of this country is busy blowing Obama for free shit.

  4. Erinyes,
    You are right on.

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