Boehner: “We’re willing to discuss increasing revenue”
Obama: “I want four times as much in tax hikes than I asked for during the last debt limit increase talks, and I don’t like speaking to you as if you’re an equal, so you need to stop pretending that I actually have a debt limit with these stupid fucking negotiations. From now on, I have a blank check”
Boehner: “You can’t be serious…”
Media: “Earlier this week Republicans steadfastly refused to provide evidence they do not in fact support Santa Claus being repeatedly sodomized with the bayonets that President Obama pointed out were obsolete during the campaign…. Children of lower income families impacted at far higher rates than middle class or wealthy gift recipients…”
Boehner: “We have to discuss entitlement reform. Raising taxes on the wealthy won’t keep the government running for more than two weeks”
Obama: “We will. After you give me everything I just asked for. And after my vacation. If I can fit you in between golf rounds. Maybe. Oh yeah, and you have to suck my cock.”
Boehner: “I have… what?!?!”
Media: “Why do republicans want to see your daughter’s vagina filled with concrete? They’re not answering!!”
Boehner: “glorpglorpgluckglorp Is this ok? slurpglorrpsmackglorp… too much gag reflex? Slorrrkglurpglurp”
Obama: “No talking!!! DAMNNIT I hate it when you speak like you’re human or something…Fuck, I was almost there…just..UGH!. this isn’t working….”
Media: “Plunging off the fiscal cliff seems inevitable today as Republican leaders failed to make any sort of effort to find middle ground with the President….”
Yeah, fuck it.
At this point I’m up for letting the whole thing burn and let the asshole own it.