The Walking Stupid

Monday, October 24th, 2011

I’ve watched every episode so far of AMC’s miniseries The Walking Dead, and I came come to the conclusion that I have to agree with Kurt Schlichter over at Big Hollywood that the characters are fucking morons who deserve to be eaten.

Spoilers abound. If you have an issue with that, stop reading now.

I give a mulligan to a lot of the shit in season 1 for simple reason there’s a whole lot of “What the fuck is going on and what the hell do we do now?” plot interplay going on.

Until the last episode, where they are trying to escape the CDC via a fucking hand grenade a seasoned police officer just happened to forget he left in his other trousers or something.

After the climatic explosions, they leave Atlanta…. and all the M4′s, extra ammo, military hardware, and a fucking M2 .50 cal just laying around. Seriously, they have to step around enough free firepower to topple a third world country to get back to their shitty vehicles.

GAHHHHHHH!

During the first episode of season 2, one of the survivors gets her handgun taken away from her because the others are worried about the civilians being “untrained” and that she may be suicidal.

If she is suicidal, I see a binary solution here that involves +1 available firearms and -1 mouths to feed.

Speaking of “untrained” you think police officers would at least be paranoid enough to have some security out and not let a shambling horde of 200+ fucking dead things walk within 50 yards of their position unseen. And not let everyone split up and frolic through unsecured automobiles pretty much right after they’re gone.

At this point, I would shoot the cops and stake the old man out as Zombie chowder.

Speaking of which, in S2E2, they need a respirator so a country vet can operate on the young boy (recently allowed to search corpses for loot by himself “as long as we can see you” because apparently zombies don’t like masticating children if observed). To get it, they have to go to an area they know is over run with dead folk.

Hey, let’s take the 600lb guy who can’t run!

Actually, awesome idea: Assuming your plan is to get the goods while the horde is eating the fatass.

Alas, not so much….

Don’t get my started on the “Let’s all hole up in a farmhouse with a wraparound porch and bay windows…”

At this point I’m watching for the zombie effects (which are pretty top notch), and to pick apart their dumbfuckery.

Fixing the Habit: Day 66 (Date correction, I did day 39 twice. Oops.)

7 Responses to “The Walking Stupid”

  1. I get aggrivated on many cop or military movies and tv shows that do not use basic tactics or fundamental gunplay. The 20 shot revolvers, rifles that have hundreds of rounds in a single magazine, sparks flying off a car getting hit by machine guns, the good guys always getting shot in the arm (just a flesh wound!), morons carrying several guns (vs. one or two guns and a whole bunch of extra ammo), some dipdunk with a belt of ammo around his shoulders, but no belt fed gun anywhere around…etc., etc., etc.

    Some movie makers hire former military guys to help make sure actors deal realistically with their guns and tactics. Dale Dye (Run Between The Raindrops), former Marine officer and combat veteran has such a company and you will see him in bit parts of movies.

    A zombie series. Great idea. Poor execution on the story line.

  2. One of the most common conceits in Zombie lore is that you have to hit the bastards in the HEAD to secure a “kill”. I’ve seen movies (and in “The Walking Dead”) where a potential victim pulls his .357 and blasts three or four holes in the upper chest of a shambling thingy and the Zombie shrugs it off like it was nothing. O.K. Let’s take your average hunk o’ shuffling dead stuff: Height: 5 foot 6 inches, give or take an inch or two.
    Weight: 160 to 200 pounds, tops. Bipedal locomotion. Center of gravity: Oh, let’s say just above the belly-button. Now, basic physics tells me that if you hit something like that in the upper chest with a .357 load, you may not “kill” the fucker, but you WILL knock his (or her) ass DOWN. Hard.

  3. They are actually pretty good about the center mass thing. The bastards just get back up unless you get a head shot.

    They even get stunned, which is something you don;t normally see in a zombie movie.

    That’s why I was cringing when they left the .50 cal. Dear GOD you may not score head shots at a quarter mile, but you’ll blow a horde into chunks that crawl instead of walk.

    The other thing that has always bugged me about zombie movies is that they rot, but yet they never rot enough to fall apart. You’d think all you’d have to do is outlast the damn things for a year or so and they’d decompose into piles of goo.

  4. The zombie rules should be universal and put into law. If the Senate can pass a law that outlaws fake maple syrup, then they can also pass a law that mandates zombie rules that movie makers must abide by. No, zombies don’t go along with the rules of physics, or they would require a beating heart and breathing lungs to propell the muscles, but since they are zombies, maybe they can still move, but ONLY slowly due to decreased muscular capability. BUT, the central nervous system thing rings true to me. If you want to kill a zombie, I think US Federal Law should mandate shutting down the central nervous system. A spine cut should lead to paralysis, but only a head shot would really KILL a zomie. You MUST destroy the brain.

    TDavis has a point on the .357MAG and physics thing. Yes, a .357 in the boiler should knock a zombie down. Their balance is depreciated, so unless the shot is a through-in-through, it would plant him pretty quick.

    Humans tend to be thin skinned creatures though, so bullets should pas through in most cases. I’ve shot deer, wild pigs, one zebra, one black wildebeest and a mangey feral cat, and never has a bullet I fired stayed within the carcass.

    I think TDavis should help craft some zombie rules, then it is time for us to get some legislative action going with our Congressmen and Senators. After all, I would rather have them working on some inane bill that would keep them busy versus continually screwing up the economy.

  5. An other thing: since they produce no body heat, they SHOULD freeze solid in winter (at least the winters around HERE). You could just walk about popping off frozen zombie heads with a shovel from mid November to around early March….

  6. Frozen zombies become immobile and easy to kill! GENIUS! i like it for sure. So, the solution to escaping zombies may be as simple as heading far, far north , or south. Recolonize in very cold areas, re-establish an economy, then a savvy businessman can provide guidedzombie hunts to warmer areas. A new gubmint can sell zombie hunting tags and establish bow, muzzle loader and high powered rifle seasons. The money from the permits can pay for universal health care. If real life were so simple…

  7. You had said you started blogging again and I just remembered. I’m glad to see a post on one of my favorite topics and one that I’m certified to answer as I’ve been studying the Necrology of Zombies for years and am a card carrying member of the ZRS as ZS.

    Fire power. Yes, abandoning firepower is stupid, but at the sometime grabbing any and everything you can is not necessarily smart either. Grab practical weapons in common and easy to find rounds and bring those. A Heavy fifty cal may be fun to get out of the city, but I’d ditch it as soon as I ran out of ammo. Vehicle choice is the same too. You want something durable, but is also fuel efficient and can go off road. Military vehicles generally don’t support those criteria. And many of them require special training to drive.

    Taking the firearm away from the girl. I took it that they used the untrained part as an excuse; they were more worried about her being suicidal. Not everyone is a cold hearted bastard like us and would have used her as zombie bait.

    Taking the big guy with, again to me it was a plot point of humanity. He shot the kid, felt guilty and knew where the stuff was. Shane didn’t know. Making him carry the bulk of it was kind of BS.

    I think that if they secure the wrap around porch, it would work kind of like a safe zone for watching out for the traveling horde.

    Zombies will freeze in the cold. It’s covered in multiple documented sources. They also will survive underwater. Beware frozen lakes where you may fall through. If the water won’t freeze neither will the body.

    Yes, I have issues.

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